I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
