Grow some girl-balls and come out already
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Mom said you looked used
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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