How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
