And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
