The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Randomize