last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize