i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
