Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
