apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
