I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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