we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
