you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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