i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
