I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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