sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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