we made out on top of his cat.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
