Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
