so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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