my mouth tastes like poor choices
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
