Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
