Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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