I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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