He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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