ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
