u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
