You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
