I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
