i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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