I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
