Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize