NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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