im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
