I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you traded sex for a burrito?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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