i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
