everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
