oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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