3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
