i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize