This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
