Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
