i already hear my dad disowning me
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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