we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
