Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
