Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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