There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
cat food counts as protein by the way
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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