also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize