Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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