Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
