i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
