I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
