she was so not down for the gang bang
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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