Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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