I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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