then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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