I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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