All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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