she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
