That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
