first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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