so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
