yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
