made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
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