Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
