I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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