So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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