I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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