My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
