so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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