is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize