and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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