accomplished twins. life is a go
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
